You never actually know someone until you’ve tried to leave. What most victims of emotional abuse don’t realize is that they are too far deep in it to escape. The scars of mental anguish can be deep and long-lasting, making it increasingly more important to be able to identify whether you’re being emotionally abused by your partner. This list contains 15 warning signs that you may be on the receiving end of mental violence.

1. When your partner is unhappy, you’re always the one to blame.

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One clear sign is that your partner will use each and every opportunity to blame any failures or misfortunes on you. The worst part is that arguing for your innocence can escalate the situation.

2. Your partner becomes angry if you do not answer phone calls or text back messages.

When this happens, your relationship is no longer about mutual support but rather about ownership. Your partner expects you to be at his or her every beck and call, and any lapse of attention, either intentional or otherwise, can have serious repercussions.

3. When your partner shares your secrets and private moments with friends.

We’re supposed to be able to share our most vulnerable moments with our partners in the hopes that they can provide support or insight. Unfortunately, an abusive partner will take your secrets and share it with people who don’t matter, possibly even just for laughs.

4. He/she makes your accomplishments feel small and unimportant.

This may coincide with the first point. Anything you do right can be considered a failure to your partner. Whatever good things happening in your life might be met by a sarcastic “congratulations” or even anger from your partner.

5. Your partner often accuses you of things that you did not do.

Being accused of something you didn’t do can be infuriating, but being accused by someone who’s supposed to love you can be heartbreaking. To an abusive partner, your heartbreak doesn’t matter. As long as he or she can feel better about himself or herself, then your pain is just collateral damage.

6. Your partner often implies that he/she is superior.

Being in a relationship is supposed to put two people on an equal standing. If one falls, the other one has to help bear the weight and lift the other one with them. Unfortunately, for people in abusive relationships, one partner will consider himself or herself to be the better person in every regard and will do anything to make the other person believe that it’s true.

7. You always lose arguments with your partner.

Winning arguments while in a relationship shouldn’t be something to boast about. For people in abusive relationships, the abuser will consider winning to be everything and will do anything in his or her power to win every time, even if you’re right.

8. Your partner sometimes calls you ugly names and uses demeaning offensive language.

This is a clear sign of mental abuse that can leave permanent scars. Sometimes people can go out of bounds, especially when they’re emotional, but if the slightest problem causes one of you to use nasty names or offensive slurs, and then it becomes a regular thing, you’re being abused.

9. He/she often criticizes you in public or in front of friends.

It’s fair for our partners to talk to us about our mistakes or behavior that they don’t like since it can help us develop into something better. However, when harsh words of critique are used in front of other people in order to put you down, everybody around you will know that you’re being abused.

10. When you are trying to express your feelings, he/she dismisses you as being too emotional.

It doesn’t matter which type of feeling you’re trying to express – happiness, sadness, anger, etc. – if you show even the slightest hint of emotion, an abusive partner will comment that you’re being too emotional and should take it down a notch. This can be considered a slap in the face and should be a clear sign that perhaps you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be in.

11. Your partner always brings up mistakes you have made in the past.

They say to forgive and forget, but in reality forgetting is much easier said than done. This doesn’t mean that your partner should it to bring up your past mistakes during every argument. If he or she does, then perhaps your mistakes have hurt him or her more than they’ll admit, or maybe they’re going to extraordinary distances to win the argument. Either way, you’re not going to feel any better when they use your past to haunt you.

12. He/she stops you from seeing certain friends or family members.

Family and friends are two of the most important things in life, and when your partner forbids you from seeing anybody without a good reason, this should be taken as a red flag. If they can’t provide a good enough reason why they’re not letting you see your brother/sister or old high school friend, it may be him or her being insecure and untrusting.

13. Your partner maintains the complete control over the finances.

Being in a relationship means pooling together your resources in order to live as best off as you can together. If one partner takes control of the money and isn’t held accountable, then things can soon spiral out of control.

14. Your partner’s professional and personal’s failures always seem to be your fault.

It doesn’t matter what sort of failures they experience, it’s always your fault. They didn’t get that promotion? It’s probably because you didn’t support him or her enough. Was his or her friend unable to meet her tonight? It’s because you didn’t allow them to go out on a previous date. Whatever it is, it’s always, ALWAYS your fault.

15. He/she always check on you and needs to know where you are and who you are with.

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Of course, we always want to know where our partner is and with whom in order to ensure their safety. However, there’s a clear difference between being cared for and being closely monitored, and an abusive partner will probably call and text numerous times while you’re out just to make sure you’re not being unfaithful.